“I do” x 2

Without you my life would be empty.

 

Happy 2nd anniversary honey, I love you with all my heart.

 

Time moves on

A year ago today I was in the throws of my last own egg cycle at Top London Clinic.

It was my 37th birthday. It was low key and sober.

This year, I will be sober again, but boy what a difference a year makes eh?

Downward Dog

I started pregnancy yoga this week.

Bearing in mind, I am the type of girl that unless I am sweating and panting like a dog, I don’t class it as exercise. Pilates? No thank you, you can keep your ‘core’ and ‘engage’ off. I was concerned though that all I seem to be doing is sitting on the sofa in the evenings watching tv.

So I signed up and went along.

There were 7 of us there. It was quite informal, in an old Victorian house where the teacher lives. We all sat round and had fruit and tea and then in bursts a new Mum and plonks her 6 week old son right under my nose. I was nearly hyperventilating. She then regaled us with her birth story by which time I am nearly throwing up behind the nearest birthing ball. Hell, I am only used to dealing with infertile pregnant people, not people who this seems like the most normal thing in the world. 

Luckily she left pretty soon after and we then had to introduce ourselves.

“Hello, my name is Yannetta and this is my 757th child and my husband is already planning the 758th!” Cue lots of laughter around the room.

“Hi everyone, my name is Celsius and this is my second child and I shall be having him in the natural organic birthing aquatic centre in Heavensville”. At this point I am wondering where I put that birthing ball as I desperately wanted to barf behind it again.

I was last to speak. “Hi, I’m Bee Cee, and I’m an alcoholic”. Oops wrong meeting.

“Hi I’m Bee Cee, this is my first baby….” and then words tumbled out my mouth “after 7 IVF’s”. The room gasped. Goodness knows why I said it but hey ho. Maybe I wanted to get a sense of reality into the room.

So after all the intros we began the class. It was actually a lot of stretching and breathing and teaching us good positions for birth. We had to partner up and massage each other. My partner had to sit on the floor, I was standing, and she massaged my legs. No word of a lie, I nearly broke wind in her face! We then did reciprocal back massages, it was all very pleasant.

I am signed up to go every week. Hopefully, it will do me good, but there’s a long long way to go before this downward facing dog feels comfortable in the real world.

No sex please we’re British

I am fielding a lot of questions at the moment.

They range from “how you feeling?”, “how’s the bump?” ”got any cravings?” to “thought of any names yet?” But the one that seems to be most prevalent is “are you having a boy or a girl?”

Not “are you finding out the sex?” but “are you having a boy or a girl?”.  Am I missing something here, does EVERYONE find out the sex of their baby these days?

We decided right from the beginning that we didn’t want to know. Mr BTC is 17 years older than me so when he had his daughters it wasn’t an option to find out any earlier than when they thrust their nether regions at him when they popped out.  As for me, what’s my excuse? Well I suppose it feels a little like opening my Christmas present in October but not being able to play with it until December 25th. Nothing more than that.

I have a feeling though I am on my own in the whole ’waiting department’ but for us it makes no difference. There will be no gender specific colour schemes either way and the only impact is that we have to think of two options for names (which I have decided but ssshhh don’t tell Mr BTC that, I need to make him think it’s a joint decision!).

So, is everyone ok with waiting with us? Hope so.

The end of an era

Can you believe we are at the end of 2009? And the end of a decade?

10 years ago I was in New York, getting ready to celebrate the new Millennium in style. Boy did we. It was amazing. 

Where did I think I would be 10 years later? Not here that’s for sure. Like most of us, I imagined being married for some years and to have one, two or three (whatever number I chose) little children running around. 

10 years ago I had just moved away from home. 2 hours away from my family, alone, and wondering if my ‘Dick Whittington’ plan of seeking fame and fortune would pay off. I am still 2 hours away from my family, so it turned out to be a good move after all (Dad are you listening?!). 

Well I did get married, but meeting my soul mate took longer than expected and what a bumpy road it was. Mr BTC and I, in the early years, did not have the most stable of relationships, but once we decided we did want to spend the rest of or lives together, we quickly got our act together and it’s been fantastic ever since. I inherited two fabulous step daughters who are my friends and I hope they always will be. 

As for 2009, there’s been some highs and lows both for me and others: 

• I had my last ever treatment with my own eggs. We left home for 2 weeks, moved to L.ondon and had the best cycle ever. Alas, it was not to be and that will always make me sad.
• My sister from another mother gave birth to her beautiful baby boy.
• I got to meet the very same sister from another mother in New York!
• My UK blog friend has her family back together and Mr BTC and I are delighted!! 

And where do I start with Bubble? Apart from Mr BTC, Bubble is the best thing to happen to me in the last decade. Mr BTC just came in the study with tears in his eyes and I asked what the matter was. He said he had been reading the ‘men’s section’ of my baby book and was reading about the birth. I think that sums things up, the thought of Bubble overwhelms us daily, we really must stop being so emotional and soft!

I started my blog in the latter part of the decade and it has brought a whole new dimension to my life. Friends who I would have never met otherwise. People who I have never met who I know genuinely care. 

I know there are a few who are still battling on and one day I hope to be cheering you through the finish line. 

To everyone and their loved ones, a very happy and healthy 2010.

Whoa we’re half way there, whoa livin’ on a prayer

20 weeks today. Half way there. Still not breathing properly though.  

Had our 20 week anomaly scan this morning. Our downs syndrome ratio has gone from 1:1594 to 1:3188, everything is in the right place and looking just fine.  

He/she has a name, well two names. The first Mr BTC came up with, which is ‘Smidgin’ and then a few people recently have referred to him/her as ‘Bubble’. I think I might use ‘Bubble’ here if that doesn’t make you heave?  

We are heading to the in-laws for Christmas. It’s only the second time in 37 years that I won’t be with my family. It will be my second best Christmas ever though, hopefully next year will be the best. 

Whatever you all are doing, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a great 2010. 

  

 

  

Christmas Past

Mr BTC and I spent yesterday afternoon putting all the Christmas decorations up. He went a bit mad with all the lights we have and has transformed the hallway into a Santa’s Grotto. I love it!

A must while we are decorating each year is to listen to Christmas songs.

A song came on, and it threw me back. Back into a time of sad tears and emptiness. To a time of longing, aching and feeling like life was waiting to start. Feelings that are all too familiar and will be with me no doubt for a long time to come.

I even posted about this very song back in December 2007. I won’t link to it as it was posted in a previous life blog.

The song was Johnny Mathis, ‘When A Child Is Born’:

A ray of hope flickers in the sky
A tiny star lights up way up high
All across the land, dawns a brand new morn
This comes to pass when a child is born

A silent wish sails the seven seas
The winds of change whisper in the trees
And the walls of doubt crumble, tossed and torn
This comes to pass when a child is born

A rosy hue settles all around
You’ve got the feel you’re on solid ground
For a spell or two, no-one seems forlorn
This comes to pass when a child is born

And all of this happens because the world is waiting,
Waiting for one child
Black, white, yellow, no-one knows
But a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter,
Hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone’s neighbour
And misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten, forever

It’s all a dream, an illusion now
It must come true, sometime soon somehow
All across the land, dawns a brand new morn
This comes to pass when a child is born.

—-

The pain is still with me, but the tears that came yesterday were also ones of happiness.

‘It must come true, sometime soon somehow’. It looks like it’s going to happen for me and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

I just haven’t met you yet

And I know someday that it’ll all turn out

You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you kid that I’ll give so much more than I get

I just haven’t met you yet

Well colour me happy, there’s a sofa in here for three

Thanks for all the help about the swine flu vaccination. I still haven’t made my mind up fully, which is good because my doctor hasn’t been in touch with me yet (they have them in, but haven’t decided how to roll them out yet!). So I think I have a couple more weeks before I need to make a decision.

Mr BTC and I have been on holiday from work this week. Normally, we’d be jetting off to some sunny shores, but I don’t want to fly while I am pregnant (yes I know it’s safe, it’s just a personal choice based on 7 IVF’s to get this far!).

So, Mr BTC has been decorating, painting mainly and I have been wrapping Christmas presents, writing cards, doing housework and generally pottering about. It’s been lovely.

He’s painted what will (cough) hopefully be the nursery. It was a nursery when we moved in, and it was a bit of a junk room to us, so it was time to sort it out. Gone are the vile lilac and green walls and in are the very boring cream walls. Call me boring, but I like, no LOVE neutral.

Before:

After:

The room will stay furnitureless (think I just made a new word up!) until about 3 minutes before the baby is due, if I have my way.

Oh and the paint, I HAD to have it when I saw it:

He then went on to paint our bedroom and now I can hear him rollering the living room walls within an inch of their life. Here’s our bedroom as it is now (minus curtains):

All that effort, and guess what? I think we are going to move in the next year or so, but that’s a whole new post of its own.

P.S Not yet ‘out’ on Facebook (after a close shave this week..wink wink!) so FB ‘friends’ please help me keep undercover for a few more weeks.

Piggin’ heck

So the latest dilemma.

Whether to have the swine flu vaccination?

My doctor’s surgery don’t have the vaccines in stock as yet, but as soon as they are, they will be getting in touch asking if I want it.

EVERY medical professional I have spoken to have said I should have it. My acupuncturist said don’t.

I am really torn.

Do you have any thoughts on it and what would you do?