Welcome

…to my new home. I hope we’ll all be happy here.

I am leaving the bad news behind, so no dwelling on that, it’s a fresh start and a change is as good as a rest as ‘me ol’ grandma’ used to say.

I think we will try again with my decrepit old eggs,  but I have been thinking more and more about moving onto donor eggs. I have been doing loads of research on Spanish clinics, weighing up the pros and cons of each. I always cope better with a back up plan, so the back up plan is taking shape. I don’t have a backup backup plan and can’t even get my head around that one, so I’ll stick with the one that will solve all our problems if my eggs don’t shape up….see I am trying to be optimistic.

I am not ready to go there just yet. A year ago tomorrow I did my first down reg injection, That was our first try at this baby making thing. No timed sex, no cl.omid (or other similar things), no IUI’s, just straight for the big guns as my tubes went to the broken tube pile in the sky some 18 months ago. So you see, we have only been trying a year, and I know we have gone at it like a bull in a china shop with 4 tries in that time, but when I was ready to start I was ready to throw everything and the kitchen sink at it.  I am not good at waiting and after every failure, I wanted to try as soon as possible. So, a year doesn’t seem enough time to give up and I am only 36 (I know, its old to some of you spring chickens).

But the donor thing is filling my mind more and more, I have a lot to work through and reading a few blogs has really helped. My desire to be a Mum is getting greater and greater and I can feel myself wanting to get on with things. In some ways, I think it’ll be harder for Mr Big Time Charlie (hubby) to move on, although I think he will ultimately go onto DE if that is what I want. He will take a bit more convincing, and I think the convincing will come after a couple more failures (if that’s what happens).

Lets hope this is a useless conversation and we succeed with mini me/he’s.

At the moment, I feel like a break will do me good. It won’t be too long but it will give my body time to recover, our credit cards to breathe again and give me chance to get into shape. Maybe being as healthy as possible will help the chances.

Getting in shape was on my mind this morning. I went for a medical, one my employers organised. I was a little apprehensive, surprising really when doctors seem to be up my lady garden every other day. I first saw Dr Love’s car (that was his registration plate), so maybe anticipation was adding to the apprehension. He was bound to be H.O.T with a car reg like that. I met him in the lobby, and yes you guessed it my heart sank. On first glance I imagined he would have a faint musty smell if I got too close, so I didn’t. He was fairly smartly dressed but I guessed he’d left his tweed jacket with leather elbow patches in his ‘love mobile’.

So we had a general health chat before he sent me off to the ladies loo to wee on a tiny sliver of paper. You want me to wee on that? Bloody hell, I am going to be bleaching my hands for weeks. Off I trotted and sat down, well I tell you what, I could do this weeing on a paper thing at the Olympics….I was amazing, so accurate, up and down the paper I squirted making sure all the test points were covered. I sprinted upstairs and handed him the paper strip back wondering what my next trick might be….ping pong balls? Yep no problem give me a go.

He then took my blood pressure, which was fine, but he did mention that my resting heat rate was a little high….yes Dr Love that’s because I ran up the stairs two at a time punching the air at my weeing on paper prowess.

Then came the dreaded weigh in, I was actually nicely surprised, I didn’t weigh as much as I thought I would. When my BMI is measured I am always smack in the middle of the normal range, but Dr Love likes to do body fat ratio, so he took out his Swee.ney T.odd metal torture device and started to pinch my tummy, my back, my arms, it hurt, I think he liked it.

So the news then came, medically I do not need to lose weight but my perfect weight would be 1 and a half stones lighter (9.5 kilos). I haven’t been that light in my life, not even when I was 9, and could eat a horse and not gain an ounce, so how the hell do I lose all that weight? I think he must have got it wrong as I think I would be emaciated if I lost that much…still it’s good to have targets.

And now I have my homework from Dr Love.  I need to send some poo in the post. I beg your pardon? Poo in the post?! Is that legal? Poo in an envelope and put it in the post? Are you sure? Can I not just wee on a tiny sliver of paper?……I am good at that.