I went to see Mr A last night to talk about the failed cycle with Dr Dick.
It was a bit of a surreal conversation. I first filled him in on all the details…follicles, doses, eggs, fertilisation, cell division etc etc. The next question he asked was how far I had progressed with the Spanish idea (DE). The fact he brought up that so soon made me shift a little in my seat. I was not prepared for him to say “don’t bother trying again”.
He didn’t say that, but he wasn’t enthusiastic. He said he would tell me if he thought there was no hope and to not try again but he said there was hope, albeit very very slim, but as long as I was producing eggs then it was worth a shot, as long as we were aware that it might just be a money wasting exercise.
The thing is, when someone tells me it’s near on impossible for me to do something, I become more determined to prove them wrong. People undergoing IVF are on the wrong side of the stats and now I am on the wrong side of the wrong side….so I have got my spade out and I am going to keep digging till I see daylight. Maybe I am foolish, but I can’t bring myself to give up just yet.
He suggested I have counselling, I think he’s preparing me for if it doesn’t work. I dismissed the idea. I am totally together about our chances, our failures, and tears are a thing of the past, I packed them away with the second failure. I am a robot, I do this thing that fails, and then I get on with my life again. I asked him why he thought counselling was a good idea, he said “for the support”…what he doesn’t know is I have you lot for support, that’s all I need.
We talked about the long and short protocols. He told me what I already know, that the long protocol has better rates of success, but I stressed to him that if I am to move on after this I need to know I tried everything, no stones left unturned, no what ifs. So the short protocol it is.
I need to decide when to cycle again. I am going to give my body a bit of a rest, so I was thinking about July or August. The only issue there is if I start treatment in July then transfer would be just before our holiday, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but we are going on the annual M.astercard business trip (remember St Petersburg last year?). So it would mean laying off the booze, as I’d be in the 2ww. If I waited till after the holiday, it would have to wait 2 months as my next period would come on holiday and I couldn’t start treatment till I could have a Day 2 scan. An Aug/Sept treatment does not fill me with happiness, so I think I will have to live with the teetotal trip. Plus I was also thinking that if we fail, we could sneak in a final try this year and start 2009 on the DE leg of the journey.
Whatever we decide I am happy that I am not clock watching now, I am just enjoying being me.
We joined the gym on Friday and immediately went for a swim in the new outdoor pool. Bearing in mind it has been snowing here recently, I think we were tough cookies to brave the elements. We had a session with an instructor on Sunday night, who wrote a programme for us both, and we put them to the test last night. No after effects just yet, so happy days.
The other exciting thing is we bought a W.ii a few days ago. I am so happy. We really can’t afford anything at the moment but we decided it was a good addition to the ‘get fit’ party. So I am going to connect it up soon and get Wi.iing (takes me back to the medical last week!)
So, if I go quiet for a while, it’s because I have bowlers bottom or tennis elbow. The last time I played on a W.ii, I couldn’t walk for 3 days….
Filed under: DE, Health kick, Next steps, Short Protocol
Wow–lots to think about, but I really feel you do have a solid grip on what to expect. And Im glad you have us for support=) We’ve already started trying to figure out when we would cycle too–life does “get in the way” I know we all want the perfect conditions to cycle in!
You know youve got my support whatever you decide! Cant wait to trade messages on our Wii.s!
I wanna Wii!!! I am jealous!! Rest is good.. I know what you mean there.. I took that big break between IVF #1 and #2. You know I think about you all the time my friend!!!
I’m wishing you all the best as you move forward and I really really hope you prove that doctor wrong!
When I started exploring DE, I asked several people about their experience and a couple said that “knowing what I know now, I would have done it sooner.” I understood this as, “Now that I have a baby / child, I am at peace with my decision.
As you probably know, I am still not 100% at peace with our decision, but also VERY happy to be this far along with a good chance of success. Looking back, however, I was ready to move on. My RE said our chances were 10-15% of a live birth with my eggs. We already had 4 fresh cycles (two miscarriage, 1 bfn, 1 chemical) and the child we had lost two years before. We were done. I don’t know about you, but it was also all out of pocket. I wasn’t sure we could afford another cycle with my eggs AND a DE cycle if necessary.
I guess I am saying that, if you find yourself going down the DE path, it won’t be as bad as it sounds right now. I also think it is important to be ready to move on. You don’t want to be wondering, “What if?”. At some point, I think you will know . . . or you will be successful with your eggs.
I hope you find a good time to cycle and you get your miracle.
I
Good for you to feel so on top of things! It can be tough to have those conversations with the RE. I know that for me, I had a much better response with a micro-flare lupron protocol (if that’s what you mean by short). My RE didn’t promise it would really be different, but he felt it was worth trying. I did the DHEA thing too, and I don’t know if it was really the answer — but somehow between those 2 things I had a successful cycle. Doing the DHEA also meant taking a 3-4 month break to let it possibly do its thing, so that break may have been helpful too.
Enjoy your newlywed time! I hope things fall into place for this summer. But don’t break anything Wii-ing!
I’m a robot too, so much so that I’m having trouble caring this time. Enough of this failure and the tears are pretty much a big ol “meh”.
Hmmm, big decisions B! But unfortunaltey only ones that you and DH can make… keep a cool head and consider all your options emotionally, physically and financially (which I know you have already done but for what it’s worth)…
Wiiiiiii! *green with envy*
Oh sweetheart, I just want to give you a huge hug. This is all so hard.
For what it’s worth I have heard from girls who’ve gone down the DE route that once they have that baby in their arms it all makes sense. I also know of a girl who had one baby via DE. When she tried for no 2 the clinic said she could try with her own eggs now she’d had one already and she said she’d prefer to do donor again as it was more certain that she’d get there.
I’m a fan of the short protocol. It’s so much quicker and it worked for me. I think a long one suppresses too much and makes the whole process so much harder.
Your’e v brave swimming outside at the moment!! Having said that we swam outside in December one year in a hotel in the Cotswolds. It’s amazing when the pool steams!!
I’m v envious of the Wii – i’d LOVE to get one!!
Good luck with all these tough decisions. I know that you will be happily parenting one day, and it’s just a matter of how you get there. Letting go of the biological connection is really tough; as you know we tried everything to maintain it before moving on to DS. I think it’s important to go through that to get closure. And hopefully in your case, you won’t need to move on.
In the meantime, enjoy the W.ii!
These appointments are so awful. There are just so few definites and certainly no guarantees. I hate it too.
As for your timing, how odd, we must be of the same mindset.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. My first RE said he’d give me two more tries (after my 3rd IVF failed with him) for many reasons we switched to our current Re. After 1 cycle he gave me the DE speech. And when I was on the table getting ready for transfer no less! I told him I wanted to try with my eggs again and he basically told me no. He later changed his mind so we are giving him one more try. But only because DH wants me to wait till he graduates college in May before we head to CCRM.
Good for you for getting out the spade! I can’t even begin to describe how strong I think you are. I fully agree that you should give the short protocol a shot. If you are going to give it a few more chances, may as well mix it up a bit.
Haha, we have a Wii also. Love it. (and the bowling rocks).
Love your new blog!
xo
M
I want a wii!
Hope whatever protocol you go with is a good one!
I LOVE OUR Wii! Seriously. When the cash flow is up, I highly recommend Super Mario Galaxy.
God I sound like such a numpty.
How’s the Wii going? My husband got one for his birthday yesterday and I feel like I was hit by a truck! It hurts.
Good for you sticking to your guns. IMHO DE is a big step and to be taken only when you’re ready, not when the Dr is ready. In the meantime enjoy your break.
So sorry you are faced with all these tough decisions. I know exactly how you feel. I had to give it everything I had with my own eggs before I could move on. My last fresh IVF, I knew there wasn’t a great chance but I had to give it one last try and than I knew I was done. And you just never know.. it could work. Its not an easy decision – giving up on your own eggs and for me it was the toughest. Good luck with all your decisions. Enjoy your break!! We have a Wii as well and when we first got it, I was so sore after playing.
I think that taking a break is a good thing, not only to give your body a break from all the hormones and treatments but to get your mind in a different place too.
The DE decision is one that would be hard for any of us and I think that you are wise taking your time to make that that choice, I also think that trying all the other avenues first can’t hurt. Maybe the short protocol will do the trick for you!!
Take your time and enjoy life a bit, it always helps me to get back to basics. Yes, maybe we’ll be cycling together!!!
Sending you a big hug and much love xxx
I am wishing you luck as you move forward!